Hey,

Okay, so here's the draft. Still kinda rough, definitely a first pass.
Let me know what you think.
Devon

The Manifesto of the Feline Distribution Front (FDF)

Foundational Statement

We at the FDF believe that implementing universal daily kitten distribution is a vital step in bringing the United States into the modern era. Since its founding, the U.S. has operated under a rigid two-party system that limits voter choice. Such binary systems oversimplify complex issues, reducing them to yes-or-no answers when most matters require greater nuance and flexibility. The FDF plans to become a viable third party.

Central Policy Directive

While our ultimate aim (universal daily kitten distribution) may appear to resemble a single-issue platform, it is in fact a transformative and multifaceted goal. Achieving it will require broad and coordinated systemic change across transportation, data infrastructure, supply chains, animal welfare systems, and public service networks. To realize this vision, the United States must invest in and modernize its infrastructure, logistics, and technology at every level.

The advancements required to make daily kitten delivery a consistent, equitable, and humane reality will return the nation to the forefront of global innovation, compassion, and civic design. Far from limiting our scope, having a clearly defined and overarching objective allows us to streamline policy evaluation and prioritize initiatives that support the broader mission.

First 100 Days

Universal daily kitten distribution is our primary objective, and the first 100 days of our administration would be dedicated to laying the necessary groundwork. During this period, we aim to establish two new governmental bodies: the Mandate Evaluation Office Workforce (MEOW) and the Feline Universal Research Resourcing (FURR) funding agency.

Mandate Evaluation Office Workforce (MEOW)

The Mandate Evaluation Office Workforce (MEOW) will serve as a central agency tasked with ensuring that all proposed legislation aligns with the overarching goal of universal daily kitten distribution. MEOW will assess each legislative proposal and assign it a Kitten Alignment Score (KAS), a standardized metric indicating the bill's impact, positive, negative, or neutral on the national kitten delivery initiative.

If a bill is determined to have a negative KAS, it may still proceed, but only if it is counterbalanced by the enactment of another bill with an equal or greater positive score. Through this mechanism, MEOW will help maintain consistent legislative momentum toward fulfilling the nation's commitment to equitable, daily kitten access for all citizens.

Feline Universal Research Resourcing (FURR)

The Feline Universal Research Resourcing (FURR) agency will act as the primary federal funding body for research efforts related to national kitten distribution. FURR will operate in two key phases to ensure the most effective strategies are identified and supported.

• Phase One will focus on issuing grants to academic institutions, think tanks, nonprofits, and qualified individuals to help identify critical gaps in knowledge, logistics, technology, and social behavior that may hinder nationwide kitten distribution.
• Phase Two will involve allocating targeted funding to projects, researchers, and institutions that are best positioned to fill those gaps. This includes support for innovative delivery mechanisms, humane breeding programs, recipient-readiness frameworks, and scalable systems for daily feline logistics. FURR's role will be to ensure that intellectual, practical, and technological foundations are in place to support the long-term success of the initiative.

Policy Platform

The FDF supports a comprehensive, forward-thinking policy agenda that prioritizes social well-being, environmental responsibility, and equitable access to opportunity both human and feline. We believe in the positive role of government, collective solutions, and the value of community care.

• Universal healthcare coverage, including mental health services (because a healthy human is a better cat companion).
• Green energy investment and urban greening to improve air quality and provide better spaces for outdoor cats.
• Strong labor rights, including guaranteed lap breaks for employees working from home.
• Robust public transit systems, featuring cat-friendly carriage compartments.
• Expansion of the National Pet Insurance Program to include preventative kitten care.
• A "No Cat Left Behind" education initiative promoting emotional literacy and kitten stewardship in schools.
• Progressive taxation to fund public kitten distribution, and a Catpital Gains Tax on luxury pet purchases.

We are pawsitive that with compassion, creativity, and claw-enforcement of fair policies, we can meowve the country forward. No more kitten around, it's time for bold action.

You can ignore the rest. I just put in some filler to get a sense of the final length. Don’t worry, I’ll write the actual sections later (probably).

International Policy

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Tech & Infrastructure Appendix

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Kitten Welfare & Ethics Charter

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Opposition Response FAQ

• Do cats poo? Yes.
• Do cats eat fish? Yes.
• Do cats poo fish? No.

Hey,

Just finished reading the draft, and first of all, love that this thing exists at all. You can really feel the ambition behind it, and some of the ideas are so absurdly logical it almost feels real. Like, MEOW is gold.

That said, tone-wise, it's a little uneven. The first half (up through FURR) reads like someone trying to impress a policy journal, and then we suddenly hit this wave of cat puns that's... a lot. I get the urge to be playful, but the shift is kind of jarring. It's like it forgets it was pretending to be serious and like it suddenly drops the act and goes full cat meme mode. Not saying ditch the puns completely, but maybe sprinkle them instead of dumping them in one go.

Still, it's a strong start. Let's keep going.
Jenna

Hey,

Yeah totally fair. I wasn't even thinking about tone when I started dropping in the policy stuff, just wanted to get some bullet points down and ran out of steam. I will go back and rewrite that part so it matches the first half a bit better.

And yes MEOW still cracks me up. Let's not get too polished though, I kinda love that it still feels like a joke we're not sure we're telling.

I will work on the second draft over the weekend.
Devon